Don’t move a child roughly if you can move her gently; don’t move her gently if you can tell her to move; don’t tell her if you can ask her.
from Punished by Rewards
Parenting 101 right there
Indeed, the same paradox appears: many of the teachers and parents who grumble that kids ‘just don’t take responsibility’ spend their days ordering kids around—as though children could learn how to make good decisions by following directions.
Alfie Kohn, What to Look For in a Classroom…and Other Essays